since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
