i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
