his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
