My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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