im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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