The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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