i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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