chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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