why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
