I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
