I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize