He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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