if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
