I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
