The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
