No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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