Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
