Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
tell me about the eggs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
