none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
