I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
