I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
