His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
