Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
