Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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