am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
