I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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