yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
