this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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