Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
