Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
