he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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