Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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