Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
