there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
