Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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