I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
