What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
