Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
