Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
