PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
