Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
