Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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