Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
