I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
