girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
