If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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