Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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