1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
