No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
