I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
