just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
