The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize