My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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