dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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