He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize