So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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