I got chris browned last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
