Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize