i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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