if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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