don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
