? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
