i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
