I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's like God shit irony all over that family
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize