i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm at about main and main street
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
